Narrative Essay

Emily Burleson

Mr. Neuberger

English 101-132

06 September, 2012   

Narrative Essay
“The Beginning of Baby Gunner”

Isn’t it funny how life doesn’t turn out the way you want it to. It’s almost as if we have our plans and life has its own. Some would consider it luck, others destiny or some could even think of it as fate. Whatever it is, it’s not what I had in mind. If you would have asked me four years ago how I pictured my life at the age of eighteen, it wouldn’t be where I’m at now. No, not me. In my mind it was much different. Everything I have ever done lead to where I am today. Every good, bad, stupid and smart decision I have made lead me to a part of my life I never thought I would experience, at least not now. I wasn’t expecting to be a mommy of a precious baby boy or a soon to be wife. But, this is where fate or destiny or whatever you want to call it led me. It led me to the most amazing thing I have ever seen, the start of my beautiful family.

            Senior year started much like any other only I was legitimately excited to go back to school because I knew it was the last year I had before college. I seemed to have my life figured out. I started a job at McDonalds, my boyfriend and I just had our Two year anniversary together, everything was going great and we couldn’t wait to live life. Unfortunately, that feeling and mind set didn’t last too long. Two months after I started my senior year we found out I was pregnant. That’s when everything got really complicated.

            It seemed the farther along I got in the pregnancy the worse things got. At around six weeks I started bleeding. I was rushed to the hospital and the doctors weren’t sure if I was going to continue on. From there, they referred me to a high risk specialist. I saw him and he suggested for me to take it easy, so I did. Things got better for a few weeks until I was thirteen weeks along. I started having tremendous amount of pain in my stomach, so again, I was rushed to the hospital. The doctors announced the baby's heart rate was extremely low and called in the specialist. From there I found that the placenta was tearing away from my wall. That’s just the tip of the iceberg.

            A week after suffering a placenta prevail (placenta tearing from the wall), and my mom kicked me out. The following day I was diagnosed with preeclampsia at a routine doctor’s appointment and put on bed rest for the remainder of the pregnancy. Everything just seemed to be happening so fast. It felt like all of a sudden nothing was right anymore.  The last month was more hell than all of it put together. He stopped growing, stopped moving, his heart rate dropped way down with every slight contraction and movement. I begged the doctor for weeks to make sure he was okay because I never felt him move. They didn’t believe me and kept throwing kick count sheets at me as if I wasn’t already doing them myself. I knew something was horribly wrong and if they wouldn’t listen then what would I do? If I couldn’t help my baby then what good was I? Better yet, if the doctors wouldn’t listen then what good were they? I had so many questions going out but, no answers coming in.

            Luckily my doctor went on vacation on my 38th week, and I was having ultra sounds done. I had had those two weeks prior to that and the ultrasound technician agreed that something wasn’t right too; he hadn’t gained anything in three weeks. (Although honestly if you ask me if she did her job like she was supposed to then she would have seen something was wrong the first week). Anyways, she sent me to another doctor that was on call for my doctor. He looked at everything for two days, the fluids, the placenta, the umbilical cord. I mean he looked at everything more than once. The second day he told me he would have to induce me or my son would die. We decided to have him that day. I had a 2 hour notice before I went in to be induced. The only thing I kept thinking of was my son’s life. I just kept praying to god to let my son be ok. I went home and gathered mine and his bags and went to the hospital.

            I arrived at the room and got in the gown and went to the bed. They put the IV in my arm and thirty minutes later started the oxytocin. I could hardly take my eyes off of the monitor. With every contraction his heart rate just went lower and lower. It was the worst thing in the world to see. The doctor came in and broke my water to try to get him to move along. I was in labor for twelve long hours before I got to meet my baby boy. His daddy cut the cord, and my baby boy came out just fine. Once the placenta was delivered it was 95 percent dead. The doctor said if I would have waited any longer my son would have been dead too. Gunner Lea Terrill arrived at 1:35am on June 23, 2012. He was 5.8 pounds and 19.5 inches long. He was bald headed and had the most amazing cry I have ever heard.             

            I thank God every day I look in that little boys eyes that he came out ok. I might not have been ready to be a mommy just yet but that little boy is my world. He is everything to both me and his daddy and has brought so many people so much closer than they were. So no, this isn’t where I pictured myself at four years ago. I might not have always made a wise decision or been the smartest person in the world. Call it what you may, luck, fate, destiny, whatever it is this is where life has chosen to take me. I am the proud mommy of a beautiful baby boy and the soon to be wife to the love of my life. This is where I’m supposed to be and this is what I want to be the rest of my life.

free write

My dream last night scared me. I guess i dreamed that i was pregnate again. I kept taking pregnacy tests and the blue line would come up and i got so scared. the sad part is when we had relations last night the condom broke too... That scares me because when i got pregnate with gunner the same thing happened. i just started having dreams of little babies and stuff and it freaked me out bad. but anyways. lets see ummmmmm. i work all the time. nothing seems to have changed much other than i cant ever do anything right according to william. i made dinner and last night i couldnt make it right. i couldnt make the bed right or do the laundry right. nothing i ever do seems to be good enough. I dont know what is wrong with him lately. It seems that i cant do anything and when i ask him whats wrong its nothing...

free write

I guess ill do a free write. i hate them with a passion but i will do it because it is part of my grade. well since im here let me start with the last few days. I start training tomorrow to be a manager at McDonalds. Yes, a fast food resturaunt. The hospital still hasnt called me back at all and i still need to make an appointment to go to the doctor because my back is messed up bad. I still havent set a date for the wedding because he had second thoughts. Which honestly makes me think he just doesnt want to marry me. If not then he should of thought about not wanting to be with me before we had a baby and moved in together. He should of thought about it before he spent three years with me. I thought everything was going good. I thought that we were finnally at a point in our relationship where everthing was falling into place and we could finally get over the past and move on with our future. I thought that he wanted to be with me but i guess he doesnt. I wish if that were the case then he would tell me. Never out of all the years ive known him has he ever had a problem telling me if soemthing is wrong or if something isnt right or if he jsut doesnt want to do anything. He just never had a problem. now out of the blue he just doesnt want to get married. He asked me for my hand in marrage not the other way around. he asked me if i would be his forever and i agreed and now he just doesnt want to. our aniversarry is next month, almost a month exactly and the origonal idea was that we were gonna get marrie on the 23rd. now we have nothing. I should have known really. Everything he has almost ever promised me has always turned out to not happen. its so annoying. But maybe its my fault. Since i have gotten pregnate I have kind of been a little crazy. My hormones are not in balance and it causes me to freak out over the smallest stuff. I dont always have a good reason to but i do have a reason to get mad most the time. like for instance. Him just going to random parties without me and i have to be told he was having sex with someone else. good reason to be mad right?

Holocust

Ruth Brand maiden name  Rical Scabl, was born in Cohia Romania in 1928. Her parents names were Morahi Scabl Fid Gissa. They lived in Cohia or Hungry. She had a sister and a brother. they spoke 3 different languages. There house was made out of wood with 3 bedrooms and a kitchen. Men ages 18-45 were taking to work, they were said they were going to the army but never had army cloths. Some peasants offered to take young girls and hide them and they refused, the girls wanted to be with their parents. September 1, 1939 when Germany invaded Poland, her family heard Germans were killing Jews and they prayed. Germans invaded her family in 1944. she retreated to Budapest. In the Ghetto she was assigned a spot on the floor, it was 4 weeks later she was sent to Auschwitz. The conditions in the Ghetto was work. they worked digging ditches, making roads and ect. They hardly had food and would get some from the peasants. They left the Ghetto to get food from the peasants to tyake food along for the journey to Auschwitz. The men and women marched separately to the train station. They had to throw anything away they could not carry. In the camp they had to be counted every day before work and if they were mis counted they would be punished and re counted. There was to many people in one place she was put in to sleep. "If anyone had to turn around at night, everyone had to turn around. There wasn't enough room."
She survived for being obedient and working. As long as she kept working they wouldn't kill her. She hardly ever ate. "We had vegetable soup, sometimes there was a vegetable but not often." People she met out of the Ghetto didn't recognize her. One girl her mother was friends with lost her little 6 year old girl. Anyone that was not selected that could work was sent to be burned. She believed the women because she was friends with her mother. All the hair was cut, all cloths ripped from them to be in rags, It was after a few transport came back it was then she relized that the horrible smell she was smelling, that they were all smelling, were burning flesh of their families and it was then that they realized they were left alone. She lost most all of her family in the camp.

free write

Im excited to say that i love my husband. i love him with a passion. Everything in life is just perfect. although i did forget to put my necklace back on. i dont know what to say really other than the fact that i am so tired i cant stand it and i cant even begin to tell you how freakin tired i am to be here. i was gonna sleep before my babies doctors appointment and i cant even stand to keep my eyes open. if it wasnt for energy pills i would have never made it here. i was falling asleep driving on the way to the baby sitters house which is my mother in law. OMG i just cant tell you what it means to me to be here and doing nothing but trying to keep my eyes open. im gonna have to take another energy pill to stay awake. is this fucking free write over yet seriously im tired of typing. its so annoying..... i dont know what else to say.... other than i love my family... OH that brings me to my next point. i wanted to punch william in the face yesterday when he told my son that mommy didnt love him and that i didnt miss him and all i wanted him for was welfare... i was like excuse me? you never hold him unless he is happy. you hate feeding him and you wont give him a bath. you dont come straight to him after work and the only assistance i have from the state is medicaid for him and fod stamps for all of us and i even buy your parents grociers.

Emily Burleson

The documentary of “A Film Unfinished" breaks my heart. How someone could have so much hate and rage toward anyone? Especially the weak and helpless that do not even have a fighting chance. To look at the faces of the children that have never known anything but starvation and captivity is more heart breaking than anything. The elderly being beaten and all kinds of people murdered just for having a religion. I just don’t understand. How can people live with themselves and sleep at night? It makes me sick. That is how I truly feel; sick to my stomach. This whole film is sickening to the core and all the while they are trying to make it look like they had it good. The majority of this film isn't real or practical. In my opinion if I never see this film or any others like it, it will be too soon. So many people were treated like stray dogs, they had nothing and no one cared. The people on the side of the street dead and nothing anyone could do about it. It all hits like a ton of bricks and to me particularly it is heartbreaking. The children are heartbreaking. The elderly are heartbreaking. To watch the people who died of starvation and how they buried them like animals, throwing their brittle skin and bone bodies and stepping all over them is almost too much to watch really. Beside the dreadful hate that was unleashed upon them; it’s uplifting that some had hope and faith that they would survive, not knowing that there was never any hope. Unaware that every miserable moment of their lives in the Ghetto would, for the most part, is their last form of freedom before the end. People now days think they have it bad. In reality it is nothing compared to the hellish unknown of the Ghetto.

Free Write-6

Well i about got smashed today. I was on my way to school and out of no where this car comes flying up, about hits me, about hits 3 other cars and right before he smashed into one car he hits the ditch and pops his tire. Well i guess it was a close call, i would have seen if the person was ok but they almost hit me so i guess i have no sympathy for people who try to kill others. Karma is such a bitch! idk it makes me laugh just because if your gonna try to hurt others then dont be in the road. there are speed limits for a reason come on now people. Anyways. Gunner is much better. Im so happy that he is amost done with ths sickness. it started to scare me for a while however he has gotten in the habit of having to sleep with mommy and daddy. im not to enthusiastic about that at all.